Confession: I Haven’t Traveled Solo During COVID-19
During the pandemic, I paused traveling (and, well, my life) to focus on my mom’s health.
Dear Readers,
These past two years (!!!) have tried and tested everything I have. In the beginning, I was living in Westchester County with a full-time job and a relatively active social life. And then COVID-19 happened and everything changed. I flew to Florida to help my mom with her hip-replacement surgery and became a caretaker as she learned how to walk again. Her hip surgery was postponed a few times because of COVID-19 and because of something else: a cancer diagnosis. A chronic cancer, something to keep an eye on, but nothing of immediate concern. Supposedly. While my mom was healing from hip-replacement surgery, I was laid off from my job and shortly after that, my mom was diagnosed with another major cancer: sarcoma.
That was when everything changed.
Again.
I didn’t want to write about this time period. I didn’t want to think about the horrors of cancer treatment and recovery, the world of navigating mental health, the role of caregiving for a loved one, especially a parent. I wanted to shove everything related to COVID-19 and cancer and surgery into a box and push that box underneath the bed where it would gather dust, never to be seen ever again.
Initially, I didn’t travel because of reasons related COVID-19. I didn’t travel because there was no vaccine. I didn’t travel because I was worried about passing COVID-19 along to my mom, who was battling her cancer, and to my young nephews, both of whom were too young to be vaccinated. I didn’t travel because of what would happen if I got sick, and because of the guilt I’d feel if I was the cause of someone else getting sick with COVID-19 and/or dying, and/or passing it off to someone else who would get sick, and they would pass it off to someone else who would get sick, ad infinitum.
In short, I was afraid.
And I was concerned about my health and the health of others.
That being said, I’ve visited New York three times: First for my mom’s first radiation treatment in the city, second for a cousin’s wedding (okay technically Connecticut, too), and third for a mini writing retreat at my aunt’s house where I finished the first first-person draft of my YA novel.
But I didn't go on a solo trip out of the U.S. like I could have done pre-pandemic.
My role in the pandemic changed from employee to millennial caregiver.
According to AARP, there are around 40 million unpaid caregivers in the U.S., and of those about 10 million are unpaid millennial caregivers.
(Unpaid) millennial caregivers like me.
During the pandemic, I paused traveling (and, well, my life) to focus on my mom’s health.
There. I said it.
During the pandemic, I felt So. Much. Shame. over being laid off, not having a full-time job with a high salary, not having a better job title, living at home with my mom, having to be a millennial caretaker, having job interviews but not making as much progress in the job hunt as I would have liked, being away from NYC, etc.
I just felt an overwhelming amount of shame.
And now, I wish I could just forgive myself. How could I have known what was to come?
Mad Travels Alone is a newsletter about solo travels and lessons of what I’ve learned along the way during past trips. And, honestly, bits of motivation for my future self when I travel solo once again. Of course, I will continue to be sharing stories of my past and any "solo at home" things I do!
As an announcement: I’m launching a new newsletter called “Millennial Caregivers” which focuses on my present experience as a millennial caregiver for my mom and resources for anyone who identifies as a millennial caregiver. Please subscribe and feel free to pass along to your friends who may be (sadly, unfortunately) in a similar situation!
After all, (millennial) caregivers need support, too.
No matter what you're going through during this time, please know that you are not alone and I'm sending you all so much love!
Sincerely,
Madeline Wahl
Author, Mad Travels Alone